17 July 2008
im so lost ...so so lost! in the sense that i dunno who am i...my dad keep nagging, keep on saying... how useless piece of nothing u are, those words really sounds ugly his anger can comes very sudden without any sign ...well i already get use to it... somehow he dint says wrong either cause i am already is a piece nothing... i donno i really dunno deep inside me ...feels like gasping for air, feels like cant breath "properly" whatever i did something or done something is always wrong! for him ! is forever not enough for him ... and from his vision on me... im actually a failure and once a failure forever failure! well me my self was like a piece of nothing*seriously* my dad like fade out of me... and feel sick to be with me... *feels that actually* i admit that previously i have done plenty of troublesome to him ... i do really feel sorry... real sorry for that ...i dunno... u use to nagging... and i feel sick as well, try to imagine ...the same old thing u can repeat again again and again ... ok ok i know! u do really consider about me and do really care bout me! but the way u care me! was way too much on nagging part ...less action type, and u have a kind of attitude! which is when he/she did something wrong and try to explain ... u will straight up stop people from explaining ...than will always says ur line: the pass is passed, forget it!... i really hate that! somehow maybe this ur way of proving "IM RIGHT!" it is true... u always right, im the one who did everything wrong, everything mess up! dad...u actually dont really care what is the procedure ...what is"really" happening around ...cause u only care bout the conclusion of what he/she end up with? nagging actually change me alot, the way u nag like keep on mention how bad how bad am i ...and how good how good u are ...as a result i end up the part what u are unexpected, which is the *how bad how bad* is this some sort a bad karma thing?...maybe u know have already notice it*i dunno* no offence dad! this is what deep inside me feels like... u know me too well! i know that! it is true !... actually we use speak each other but mostly nagging ... i know! whenever someone is better or greater than me! u nag on me! i know! that actually feel very depressed of...by looking others who better me and think that why my son cant do that?why my son cant end up something like that?why my son cant really did what i have expected? everyone's not perfect dad! so do i... but maybe..im worst
